When the pussies go marching home
Happy Monday and welcome to the first week of TrumpAmerica. What follows is part pep talk, part survival guide, part “what to expect when you’re resisting” — much of it drawn from my own experience. If you don’t know me, I’ll explain.
From 1998 to 2013, women’s issues were on my radar every waking moment of every single day. My professional commitment began with a weekly women’s issues radio show in upstate New York and ended with a website owned by the New York Times Company that was international in scope and reach, one that had my words and content appearing as the top result on Google for the search term “women’s issues.”
What I learned over that 15-year span shaped me, my daughters, my husband, my friendships, the direction of my life.
I ended my career focus on this topic four years ago this month because of two stories — one in India, one in the US — that sickened me and made me doubt the world would ever change. In good times, the majority can — and do — turn a blind eye. I was tired of seeing so much I could never unsee, and had lost the stomach and the stamina for the battle.
Now I’m seeing it again, but others are seeing it too. Those good times are behind us. Though I despaired after the election, I now believe change can happen because so many are scared, angry, and motivated to act. In cities across the country and around the world, I saw others walking in my shoes. Women’s issues are now on their radar too.
This was a weekend that will go down in history — the largest demonstration in US history, peaceful and uplifting. Millions came together in joy and gender affirmation. And now I’m throwing cold water on it all. Not to pooh-pooh what happened, but to keep you awake and alert for what’s ahead.
You’ve shared photos, traded email addresses, and worn your pink pussy hats. You stood on your feet, went without bathroom breaks, food or water, and walked miles or stood still, stuck in a crush of bodies. Whatever your experience, that was the easy part. You were carried by a warm glow of community and purpose, sisterhood and righteousness. Everybody felt as you did.
Now you’re back home with the haters, the red hatters and the pussy grabber as President. You’re not surrounded by support. In fact, you may be alone and on your own.
And if you still have that glow — I’m not going to lie and say it will last. It never does.
In this, the winter of our mutual discontent, the only way you can keep warm is to keep moving. Even when you think you don’t want to or can’t. Keep moving. Don’t stop. Because this is where it gets hard.
Doing the work of defending women’s issues over the long haul is rough. I’ve been called names, threatened with violence as well as a lawsuit, covered stories that kept me sleepless many a night. I am not a naturally bold person, but I did it because I felt compelled. I was frequently scared, but when I saw those who were scarred by the horrors of rape, abuse, violence, genital mutilation, sexual trafficking, and worse, my fear faded in the face of their resilience.
You are bold too. You could have stayed home but you didn’t. You seized the chance. Millions of photos and videos are circulating, the sights and sounds of women singing, chanting, carrying signs, holding hands, taking selfies — all proof that “I was there.” Now, bring that “there” back to the community you live in.
Don’t be silent and polite when sh** goes down that’s sexist and/or racist. Be willing to be uncomfortable and even scared as you do the work. Because as bad as it may seem, American women have it good compared to much of the world. They look to us for hope. We have to model resistance and resilience and not allow our freedoms to be taken away.
You know that you have the backing of millions around the globe and here at home. You saw it. You felt it. Now live it — every single day.
Be the bitch you wish to see in the world — the strong, loud woman who won’t shut up and won’t back down. Do it. Don’t overthink it. Just do it.
It’s not enough to matter.
You, me, all of us…together…
We have to take back, grab back, and then push past ceilings, envelopes, expectations.
We almost had it, and then it was stolen. Never again. Women cannot, should not, will not settle, accept, or turn away. We have to fight lies with truth, meet insincerity with integrity. We have to go high as Michelle Obama said, but now we have to aim even higher. None of us can rest until we’ve wrested back what was rightfully ours.
Women have to rule.
